my first Journal Pages

These pages were really fun to make. They are suziblu pages, inspired by her Be Kind video.

The writing is channeled. I find that I can ask questions and get answers. The messages are always very loving.

Cool Soul Journal Project

Oooh, exciting. I came across a link to a journal project. I have just started a new visual journal to try out new techniques and play in. I was still on page 2, shown above, when I stumbled across Caspiana's soul journal project. It is way late to start, but who cares? It is a daily working in your journal with her prompts. It looks fun and interesting.

I am going to attempt to not get anal with her project. In spite of being an artist, I can really be a follow-the-rules type of gal and that is part of what I am trying to push out of.

These first two pages in my journal are based around some healings I have had. The words are messages that came through to me that I try to remember so I don't remain caught in old habits of learning and hiding. The drawing is from a wonderful healing that I had recently. 

I don't think these pages are finished. I just wanted to share them.

Still going on about My Board Book

There is probably no need to go through every page. Does anyone else find this kind of blow by blow account of creating something interesting? I guess I am writing what I like to read.

 

This is the 5th page. I had painted the pages a light yellow to orangie then found that the photocopies on film looked really sunny on it. I think these pages changed the feeling of the book. They brought in an optimism and cheerfulness.

I used more handmade print blocks. They are pretty rough, but will be good for backgrounds.
Page 6 is the same kind of thing. I like the way the decorated paper shows through the black and white photocopy on film.

The next two pages surprised me. I had no plan for them to be so romantic. But it worked out as they are mainly of my Mom and Dad who were in love up to Mom's death. I mostly knew my Mom while she was around my age, as she had me late and then died in her early 60's. 

This page has something a little different. The packing tape transfer - that's the thin image of me as a child. You press the tape down on your photocopied image and then soak the tape off with water. Most of the glue goes as well so I used medium to glue it on.

Again, anyone who is wondering why I printed my name all over my board book, the explanation is here.

And if you are wondering what a board book is anyway, a partial explanation of the original project by Suzi blu is here.

Your Pop-Out Player is Driving me Nuts!

I love you guys. I love reading your blogs. But your Pop-Out players are driving me nuts.

I go to your blog, and within 30 seconds there is the music playing. I have to go and find the bloody player  (which is always down at the bottom of the blog, searching -- searching I go...) and push the pause button. If I forget and try to watch the lovely video that you have posted, it becomes a cacophony.

If I go to someone else's blog in another window, I have several of them playing.

I love you guys, but I don't necessarily love your music. What about putting the player at the beginning of the blog and I can click pause as I read your newest post?

a More Involved Look at my Board book pages 1-4

I want to blog a bit more about my board book. I had a bit of a plan in the beginning, but I didn't stick to it. It kind of went its own way.

The first two pages felt a bit dark emotionally, especially in the beginning. I see a lot of pain in this first photo and I think that was brought through in the blue theme of these pages. 

The small print are transfers, while the larger print and the photo are photocopies on acetate film. I had made them up hoping to transfer from the photocopies, but it didn't work so I glued them down. I ended up liking the way you can see through them and also that they have this shiny texture which was an interesting contrast.

The geometric designs are homemade stamps. You can see the beginning stages and read about the transfers and the stamps here.

This is basically more of the same techniques although the print is all photocopies on film. The house is my childhood home. I was surprised that so many childhood photos of me are me drawing.
I  got these pages around wrong. This is four and three is below -not that it really matters. Here I used more black and white photocopy transfers. Then I also glued on some photocopies for contrast and more strength. 
My big sister and I in bed on the cloud are photocopy on film - that's why you can see the cloud. 

The words are just a form of mood setting. Not meant to be read literally. I was working more intuitively, not thinking about it too much.

These are kind of the sibling pages, the three of us interacting. I think these pages are also a bit melancholy in their monochrome composition. The clouds bring in a lighter feeling, but I feel like they are references to not being completely 'here'. 

My Board Book is Finished!!!

The little figure on the front actually sticks out from the background a little way.




Here it is!!! *drumroll*

I wanted to do a slideshow, but couldn't figure out where or how.

My board book (click here to see what this Suziblu project is all about) turned out to be kind of a combination of board book and scrapbooking. While I will fully concede that Suziblu was my initial inspiration for this, the fact that it combined my photos actually happened before she got into the scrapbooking (or alternative scrapbooking.) That was an interesting coincidence.

If you are wondering why I have put my name all over my board book like some egomaniac go here.

I couldn't figure out how to get all the photos on one post, so for the remaining pages please go to the following post.

the last pages of my Board Book

So here are the final pages. And the back of the board book. 

Creating this really did help me do some healing. I noticed that it started out looking kind of dark and sad (especially the first two pages.) The last part I did was the cover and the kid (me) was looking quite happy by then.

It was a lot of fun.

I would like to post some more about the process. Both about what I think the pages mean and about the actual physical processes I used.

I am so happy to share it with you guys.

Ghost Story

photo by Bill Wooten in Flicker

My not yet husband and I were living in Bellevue Hill in Sydney. We had just rented the top half of a very nice duplex with a friend. 

Everything was going well, enjoying the place etc etc. 

The only small thing was that I noticed a certain tension walking down the hallway at night to go to the toilet. I became a little fearful. Still, being a sensitive person of active imagination I dismissed my feelings and didn't say anything to the two men I was living with.

Then one night my partner woke me in the night. He was still asleep but moaning. Assuming he was having a bad dream, I gently shook him. He didn't wake but continued the distressed moaning. I shook harder and finally he woke. 

He looked at me distressed and visibly shaken. He told me that he had dreamt that someone was trying to enter his body. I had woken my partner from bad dreams before, always he had immediately turned over continuing his sleep. But this night it was some time before either of us returned to sleep. 

The next night we slept. But the next morning our friend has a tale to tell. As he was sleeping he remembered that a woman had called him out into the hallway. He had thought it was me, but as he entered the hallway it turned into a woman on fire, burning, calling to him. He was very disturbed by this, saying that it had felt more real than a normal dream.

Soon after my friend had a talk with the people who lived below in the downstairs of the duplex. They told him that when our upstairs had been empty they used to hear footsteps and had even heard the toilet flush. We learned that a man had killed himself.

We didn't stay there long.

 

if You don't have a regular job, when is time off??

I had a strange experience yesterday. My inspiration left.

I had a headache and was rather down. Perhaps that was the entryway. I don't have many down times and I usually just work through them. But yesterday I did something different.

I sat in the living room and did nothing. I looked out the window, thought how it really could use some landscaping outside ( I don't think I have ever sat there during the day before) and did nothing. It was quite challenging, but also felt important.

I am not sure what to do with it. I see that as an artist, I am usually in a state of inspiration. It is wonderful, but I think it gets out of balance. I always have stuff to create, with more ideas waiting. 

But what about time just to be? I don't take it. After 20 years of living like this, I think it could be difficult to change.

This post was inspired by Suzi Blu: sketches and not all by me! Coincidentally, she seemed to have hit a similar space on the same day. 

Board Book Process pages 1 and 2 cont

Here is the work I have done on my board book pages 1 & 2. To see the stage before this click here. I don't know if these are finished. 

Perhaps you are wondering why my board book has "DeeDee" written all over it. I would be. The truth is that DeeDee is not the name I go by. I haven't been called DeeDee for the past 28 years. As I grew up in the U.S., no one in Australia knows me by that name.

I am not on the run. I haven't done anything I am overly ashamed of. I just changed my name.

Then I went to a wonderful spiritual healer who said that I needed to reintegrate with my childhood name. Well, that isn't exactly what she said. She asked if I would be willing to go back to DeeDee. I'm not. The truth is it makes me feel too vulnerable. It brings back that not very happy little girl and the pain I have tried to leave behind.

But I also see that now I am strong enough to reintegrate with that child and her pain. Hence I am using DeeDee in some areas of my life. I have asked a few friends that I feel safe with to call me DeeDee. It is difficult for them to remember.

So that is why my board book has DeeDee written all over it. It is my healing scrapbook board book.

Pass the Love -thank you Nolly Posh!

Thank you Vicki of Nolly Posh  for the loving acknowledgement of giving me this award. 

I have to nominate Suziblu because she inspired me to experiment and therefore start my blog in the first place.

The beautiful Yasmine of Print a Day with her amazing wonderful drawings.

Dylan and Jo of Cart Before the Horse for their truly original dolls.

Miz Katie's Blog because she paints houses that are alive.

El Bolsillo de Celia because she makes truly wonder filled illustrations.

Anahata Katkin for her visual presentation

and even though I know she has already been nominated. I have to nominate Julie of Julie's Art Site and her nuns. How could I neglect those sweet loving nuns?

And here are the rules. The rules of accepting are as follows

1) Put the logo on your blog.

2) Add a link to the person who awarded you.

3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs.

4) Add links to those blogs on yours.

5) Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

What I love about this award is that it is the opposite of a winner and losers. As you are required to send it onto at least 7 others, eventually every blogger on the web (might take a while) will hopefully receive it. I don't think this devalues the award but makes it an expansion of appreciation and love.

Board Book Process pages 9 and 10

These are the last two pages in the board book. These are all magazine picture transfers. For some reason they didn't work as clearly as the black and white transfers. I couldn't get all the paper off and they ended up muted. But I thought it could work as a background for colour copies/photos.

I scrumbled raw umber over the top to bring them together and to tone down the gesso white of the background. The gesso picked up the transfers better than the painted acrylic backgrounds.

The lettering is printed on acetate and then glued on.

It isn't finished yet. 

Being an Artist has nothing to do with Success

This is a response to something that Julie wrote on her blog yesterday.

It takes a lifetime to be an artist. I don't agree with Suziblu on this subject. I don't agree that everyone is an artist. Everyone is creative. I agree with that. Absolutely. 

Being an artist is a vocation, not a career. It is a calling, an obsession. Like being a musician or a writer. Everyone can write or make music or dance or sing - but to really be a writer or musician you have to be driven. Driven, in love with the creative process, doing it out of love, obsessed. 

It isn't easy. It isn't always fun. It certainly isn't relaxing. It is intense, obsessive, frustrating, occasionally humiliating. It is like a love affair. And the longer I am an artist, the more of an artist I become. Which maybe isn't entirely a good thing.

And being an artist has nothing nothing nothing to do with how successful you are. How much you sell, or how much acclaim you receive. It doesn't even have to do with how talented you are. It has to do with needing to create. and that whole mysterious process that I don't even pretend to understand.

Board Book Process pages 3 and 4

Here are some pages of my board book that I am stuck on. 

I was able to do some successful transfers with black and white photocopies and acrylic medium. I like the way the white parts just don't transfer. On these pages I am okay that the people ended up kind of green. I like the slightly unreal quality. The memories are neither especially good nor bad. It charts some of my relationship with my brother and sister.

I tried to do clouds with water soluable oil pastels, but didn't like the scratchiness so I brought in the magazine clouds. I like the extra colour.

I could bring in some brown. I want it to look rather monocoloured, but it is too green at the moment. Any ideas?