Friday, 26 February 2010

Do You Act Nicer than You Are?

Do you act nicer than you really are? It has become a habit for me. Like many people I don't like conflict, especially with people I don't know. I back down, I give in, I step sideways rather than just saying "no". I stay polite even when the other person isn't. Sometimes this is maturity on my part, more often it's habit. Or lack of courage. Or an unconscious desire to avoid being judged.

It could also be a defense that I learned as a child with a dominant older sister. But whatever the reason (and how long can you blame your childhood?)...

I think I am getting over it. Think of what happens inside yourself when you try and do what others want instead of speaking up. Years ago I realized that it would have more integrity to risk other people resenting me for being truthful than to resent other people when I am not. Now I have gotten to the point in my life where I really want to live it. Of course ideally we would both express what was really happening, but If I speak up and the other person doesn't, I can still walk away clear. No residue of resentment.

Then the challenge is to stay in my own business and not start worrying about what they think of me.


Butterfly Works said...

You are so right about being true to yourself instead of just what people want to think about you....
Learned that the hard way.
I love your blog so much I joined and I will definitely be back.
I am just getting into art journaling and it is becoming an obsession...I love are such an inspiration.
Please come over and visit me; I'd
love to have you.

The Scrappy Tree said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gayle said...

Hi Zom

Just want to say that what you say rings so true for me - I absolutely value the honesty of speaking frankly, not with the intention of being rude or using it as an excuse to offend somebody, but because being untrue to what I truly think and feel when it matters will stay with me and bother me for a long time after! It's just not worth the inner turmoil to be anyone other than yourself

Laura said...

You are so right here. I take things very very personally even though I know better. It is an ingrained habit that I have not been able to rid myself of. I hope someday to figure out how to change that mindset.
thanks for this post.

cheryl said...

I think I have to agree with you on this one and Im still struggling with this myself . But in order to have the life you really want sometimes it means allowing the wrong people to fall away

Zom said...

I think its about freedom.

Habits can be changed, and that is what I am trying to do. I try and just ignore the fear and do what I need to, and gradually the fear lessens (it does!)

It is not easy. It is definitely not easy.

Mary Helen-Art Saves Lives said...

Life is so short...and yes if I have something to say...I usually put my foot in my mouth. Now at the age of 59 I am attempting ...not perfected by any means... to listen with my heart. In the 1970's I was a special education teacher and I have stayed in contact with several of my students...that is a gift in itself... I used to say "Listen ...tug on my ear...with my hand placed over the chest.

This still works today when I hear or see an evil thought expressed. Are you safe? I see that Chile's earthquake has instigated a tsunmami that is traveling over the Pacific. I wish you you can continue your dance making Art. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

... still snowing in Ohio :o)

Zom said...

I am safe. Love to you.

nollyposh said...

Today i'm not sure if i spoke my mind or saved my neck!?! (Pop ova)

anie williams said...

Hey Zom, feeling a reluctance to leave a comment, interesting since I've been moaning about so few on my
blog. I guess with you, I'd much rather say it in person, & can. Also
the story I'd like to tell (from Isaac's last meeting)in relation to this post, would take too long.& I'd probably like to act nicer than I am,
but don't.. hope to see you soon xxx

Such a Wondrous Place this Faery Space said...

This is huge for me. I am the most naive, trusting, type. I see the good, ignore the bad and sometimes get stuck with those that are not good for me. This was inspirational. I am going to enjoy exploring your places of the heart.