Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Habits Part 2

Continuing on from yesterday's post about habits, is that the other thing about habits is that they need to change. I find that I need to be reevaluating and changing my habits regularly. As I grow and change, my habits need to change too. I can outgrow habits and they start to pinch like a coat that is too small. But the thing is that I don't always realize that is what is going on. And I have found out, the hard way, that my habits don't automatically change just because I do.

I have a few outgrown habits at the moment that I am finding difficult to change. I may have had very good reasons to form these habits, but the situation has changed yet the habits remain. Life long habits.

For me these habits have to do with how I relate to people. I was always a 'sensitive' or an empath. I am not sure if these are the same, but basically I am referring to feeling what other people are feeling. It can be quite uncomfortable, and confusing, as I can mistake other people's emotions for my own.

There is a town near where I live where there are a lot of unhappy people. I say this because every time I used to go there I would feel emotional pain. It took me years, literally years, to realise that this pain was not mine. I mean, you just assume what you are feeling is yours, don't you? Well I did.

Then I heard a woman on the radio talking about empathy and ways of protecting yourself. I had tried things like surrounding myself in white light in the past but not had any success. When she said to wear a crystal I was doubtful but I thought "might as well give it a try". I was pretty desperate. I bought one and wore it under my shirt. From then on when I would go into this town I felt fine.

Anyway, you might be able to imagine the kinds of habits I picked up around being this way. Yup, avoiding people. And another one, trying to solve people's pain. Because when you are feeling it too there is a strong incentive to soothe their pain anyway possible.

Since I have been teaching I have noticed that spending time with others is not as tiring. That I still have energy afterwards. That I am not walking away feeling whatever everyone else is feeling. I think I am more grounded and have more stamina that I used to. I have changed.

But I have a lifelong habit of spending most of my time on my own. Now I can choose otherwise. But to be honest, it is challenging. It is a lifelong habit, in a way all that I know.

A dear friend of mine always reminds me: babysteps. Take babysteps. And I think that is the best way to change habits. Little changes that take you gradually in a very different direction.

11 comments:

Jodi Anderson said...

My, goodness, while reading your post today, I realized that we are kindred souls. I am an empath too. I'm also a very solitary person, other than my husband and adult daughter. Even with them, I need a lot of time alone.

I have never thought about it on the level of an entire town, but I believe that you are so right.

Baby steps, indeed.

lilasvb said...

baby step, yepa.

Connie said...

Thank you for this Zom. Thank you.

I too feel that I'm going through a very similar situation--and interestingly enough, I too have been introduced to wearing and using crystals as well. I've been reluctant--but through the past few times, I too have noticed a difference.

Thank you for sharing.

BIG Hugs,
Connie

nollyposh said...

Very good advice! Jeez you sure you're not my long-lost twin??? Lol!
The one technique (i still have to remind myself about as only last week i got off the phone with a suffering friend and was nearly physically ill!) is... to cut the energetic cords. The idea (that you probably already know) is that we energetically connect with each other and thus the emotional 'puddling' (i learn't this through watching one of my daughters constantly doing it, God luv her!) so in visualizing the 'cutting' of the energetic tie (looks like an umbilical cord in my mind) and then surrounding yourself in white light (or an egg or whatever suits your taste) you are then free to be emotionally available to your friend or whoever... i was dubious when i first tried it, but now swear by it and teach my kids!
(My word verification= "tuddle" Yep that's a good word for it! *wink*)... Yep still using baby steps with ma self!

Mary Helen-Art Saves Lives said...

You have guided my heart with these thoughtful insights. I have the need to to re-examine my habits in my open studio and how should I plan to keep my work progressing and still be available to reach children who are falling through the cracks due to lack of financial means and too many art programs being eliminated due to cut backs here. Blessings to you dear friend. Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Zom said...

You are such beautiful people. Thank you for your comments.

Sharmon Davidson said...

Zom, I think we may be twin daughters of different mothers. The empathy/ pain thing is totally familiar to me, as are the self-protective habits. Oh, geez, I just saw the comment above that says the same thing- she even says "jeez"! I guess we're triplets, then?
"Baby steps" is a good strategy- have you ever seen "What About Bob"? My word verification is "dishies". What do you reckon that means?

urbandon (Don Pezzano) said...

I think its about replacing old/bad habits for new/good habits. (Talking here from experience as an ex-chronic pot smoker)

faerian said...

i think there is a tribe of empaths out there! i agree with urbandon about replacing it with a new habit - i find checking in with myself is important - it stops me getting swept away with what really is other people's stuff!

eva said...

Is it a quartz crystal that you're using?

Zom said...

I was using a quartz crystal, I don't wear it very often anymore.